The Re-Invented Self

I’m writing this blog because I’m hoping to help myself as well as others. Together, I hope we can:

• Figure out who we want to be when we grow up.

I’ve never thought my identity was set in stone. I always thought reinventing myself was fun, not frightening. As long as I can choose who I’m going to become, it’s all good, right? I am whoever I say I am. Right??

Well….just the other day, we took my son to his college orientation program. Everything was great until one of the student leaders thought I was my son’s grandmother, not his mother! 

That was a blow. I’d talked myself into believing that it was normal for the mom of a college student to look older and to have gray hair. But suddenly I was confronted with a perception of myself that was completely different than what I thought I was projecting. 

Suddenly, someone else was defining who I was, and I didn’t like it. Reinvention is not easy, as it turns out. Not only is it about who you think you are, but (to some extent) what other people think you are, too. Those things have to balance. 

In part, I think that’s because the boundaries of our identities are formed when our lives meet the lives of others around us.  That brings us to our relationships.

• Look at our relationships and how they define us.

Throughout our lives we are defined by the roles we play in the lives of our loved ones and our community — we are mothers, daughters, siblings, spouses, employees, service providers, customers, and more. What happens when those relationships change? It’s easy to underestimate how important relationships can be to our own identities.

When our relationships change, that means we must look for ways to change, too. It helps to consider other means of self-definition.

• Think about what we know how to do, and what we like to do.

As we move through our adult years, we have duties and obligations. Though we can’t avoid them, it helps when the duties are also things we enjoy doing. What kinds of expectations do people have of us — do we have for ourselves — in this third chapter of our lives? Do we have to sit in our rocking chairs, or can we get off the porch and join in the game?

And that means we need the energy to get off that comfortable porch.

• Rediscover health and vitality and redefine beauty.

Our popular culture insists upon youth as the foundation of beauty. Sometimes we base our own identity on our looks, and as we age, it’s hard to accept that we are changing. It seems to me that youth is a shorthand for beauty — young people are usually the ones with bright eyes, smooth skin, and vigorous bodies. Older people can often be invisible in the public arena. As many of us live longer and healthier lives, it’s time to change that perspective. We can still have those markers of health and vitality as we age. But it’s not much fun if we’re the only ones out there. 

• Find our new tribe — know that we’re not alone.

If you live in a small town, or even in a big city where you only know a certain circle of people, sometimes it can be hard to meet anyone who shares your views. Joining a new group can be scary, and even then it may be hard to connect with others. With the Internet, it’s easier than ever to find like-minded people who share our ideas and perspectives. 

• Find new passion and purpose to fill our lives.

As I transition from my old role as a full-time mother to a newer identity, I’ve found myself searching for new meaning and new purpose. It’s time to dig into that bank of dreams that have been set aside or delayed, and bring them to light again.

I hope that if you’re reading this post, you are also working on developing that new perspective and new passion for your life, too. If you’re so inclined, tell me about the dreams you’re working to fulfill!